What is Positive Disciplne?

Uncategorized Jul 28, 2020

In today's quick solo episode, I talk about what Positive Discipline is and how I am using it in my own parenting. For those of you who are on my email list, you probably know by now that I am a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and a member of the Positive Discipline association.

In this episode you learn what Positive Discipline actually means and the philosophies behind it. This information comes from the Positive Discipline Association website, positivediscipline.org, and is derived from the Positive Discipline program created by Dr. Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott.

 


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Hey guys, I have a couple of quick announcements before diving into today's episode. First, I have an awesome giveaway going on which includes 2 Positive Discipline Books and a set of 52 Positive Discipline Tool Cards, which are great for incorporating into your everyday parenting. All you have to do is visit motherhoodaligned.com/giveaway and you’ll be able to enter. You can enter until 11:59pm CST on August 2nd and the winner will be contacted on August 3rd and announced in my weekly newsletter. 

 

The second announcement I wanted to make is that I have opened up registration for my positive discipline parenting course. Parenting with Positive Discipline is a 7 week virtual parenting course to help you learn the tools that will result in well-rounded children with valuable characteristics and life skills - like responsibility, self-motivation, and cooperation. If you’re struggling with boundaries, behavioral problems, power struggles, or you just need more confidence in your parenting skills, this course is for you. By the end of the 7 weeks, you will have a tool-box full of strategies to help you connect with your child, overcome power struggles, and feel good about your parenting. I’d love to have you join us, just go to motherhoodaligned.com and click “course” to register. And if you’re interested in hearing more about positive discipline before joining, well this episode is for you, so stay tuned…

 

Hey everyone, I’m back with a quick solo episode today to talk about what Positive Discipline is and how I am using it in my own parenting. For those of you who are on my email list, you probably know by now that I am a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and a member of the Positive Discipline Association. Positive Discipline is just one aspect of what I teach and really focuses on tangible tools and strategies you can use in your parenting techniques. There are specific tools and strategies unique to the Positive Discipline method, which is why I am offering Positive Discipline-specific programs to my clients, but I also work 1:1 with families who are looking for more balance and for ways to create more calm amidst the chaos in their daily lives. If you’re interested in learning more about how we could work together to create more alignment in your life and/or you want to dive into Positive Discipline with me book a free consultation call by visiting motherhoodaligned.com. I’d love to talk with you about your parenting and family goals. 


But for today, let’s talk all about what Positive Discipline actually means and the philosophies behind it. I will start off by saying that all of this information comes from the Positive Discipline Association website, positivediscipline.org, and is derived from the Positive Discipline program created by Dr. Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott. 


The Positive Discipline Parenting Model is based on the work of Psychiatrists Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.  Dr. Adler advocated for treating all people with dignity and respect - including children. He also argued that spoiling and pampering children was not encouraging to them and resulted in social and behavioral problems. Positive Discipline teaches parents the skills to be both kind and firm at the same time. Numerous studies show that teens who perceive their parents as both kind and firm are at lower risk for smoking, use of marijuana, use of alcohol, or being violent, and have a later onset of sexual activity. I believe the earlier you start using these tools, the better for creating a connection with your child and consistency in your parenting, but it is never too late to begin implementing strategies that are kind, firm, and respectful. 


According to positivediscipline.org, Recent research tells us that children are “hardwired” from birth to connect with others and that children who feel a sense of connection to their community, family, and school are less likely to misbehave. To be successful, contributing members of their community, children must learn the necessary social and life skills. Positive Discipline is based on the understanding that discipline must be taught and that discipline also teaches.

 

Now the word discipline might conjure up some thoughts for you. You might associate the word discipline with punishment, but I wanted to make a quick distinction between the two. The definition of punishment is a penalty inflicted on an offender through judicial procedure. So, you act badly, you get punished. Discipline comes from the Latin root word disciplina, which means “giving instruction, to teach.”  The goal of positive discipline is to teach by first creating safe relationships with children. It involves connection before correction. 

 

When teaching Positive Discipline, we often start by creating two lists. On the left, we list out all of the problems and challenges that we as parents struggle with. This includes hitting, fighting, talking back, not listening, bedtime battles, and all of the other thing many of us regularly encounter with our children. Then on the right, we create a list of social skills and characteristics that we aspire for our children. Like self-confidence, kindness, responsibility, respect, feeling empowered, capable, and so on. We use the tools of Positive Discipline to use all of the challenges to help us build our children's’ social skills and life characteristics. 

 

So, what does Positive Discipline actually entail? I’m going to walk you through the FIVE CRITERIA FOR POSITIVE DISCIPLINE 

Everything we do in positive discipline follows these criteria. 

  1. Helps children feel a sense of connection. (Belonging and significance)

  2. Is mutually respectful and encouraging.  (Kind and firm at the same time.)
  3. Is effective long - term. It Considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.)
  4. Teaches important social and life skills.  (Respect, concern for others, problem-solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school, or larger community.)
  5. Invites children to discover how capable they are.  (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)

When you use the positive discipline tools, each of which follows those 5 criteria, you begin to create a connection with your child like never before. The response I see with my 3 and 7-year-olds when I apply the positive discipline strategies is truly remarkable. To actually see them feel empowered and capable really makes me feel good as a mom. I have learned how to parent without harsh punishments and without being permissive. There is a mutual respect in our home that has replaced the power down approach that I once leaned on. I have learned to identify my child’s belief behind their behavior and when I work to help them change that belief, the behavior also changes for the better. I am confident that our challenging moments are learning moments for me and also for them. We come out of them stronger and with better ways to handle ourselves moving forward. This is because as a mom I am focusing on solutions rather than punishment. 

 

I love teaching positive discipline because it is very hands-on and experiential. Real-life scenarios are role-played and worked through, addressing all of the possibilities, beliefs behind your child’s behavior, and ways to work through it using the Positive Discipline tools. That’s exactly what we will be doing in the 7 week online workshop . My goal is for every parent to leave that workshop with a new approach to parenting, one that is based on connection and helping your child build lifelong skills that they will benefit from for the rest of their lives. If you’re interested in diving into this program I would love to have you join. I’ll put all of the information in the show notes or just go directly to motherhoodaligned.com and click on course. 

 

Thank you guys so much for listening, I know this was quick, but I just wanted to give you some background on positive discipline and get your wheels turning on how this program might be able to benefit you in your parenting. If you have any questions let me know, otherwise, I’ll catch you next week. 

 

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